1. Your purpose
Before you meet that person you need to be honest with yourself. Why do you want to date them? What is the purpose of meeting someone new? This will help you to have your goals clear enough so you can later compare if that person is on the same page, on the same book in a different library.
You are more than free to change your mind once you meet the person so it’s not about setting up your mind in a way that you can’t change, it’s about knowing yourself and what is your drive for dating.
2. Have as much fun as possible
Dating is supposed to be fun. Whatever your reason for dating, the final goal is to have a great time. No one dates expecting to have a hard time so, even if it’s obvious, remember that it’s not a serious thing.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself as it won’t help you at all. If you have the fear of not being liked or accepted, don’t worry, it’s fine, everyone struggles with that and if that’s the case it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong, it just means the person in front of you is looking for something different. Remember there are plenty of people on this planet and everyone is free to give their opinion but they are not necessarily right.
3. The outfit
Feel free to wear whatever you like. Who is going on a date? You or your neighbour? You rather feel comfortable being who you are. Dressing to impress it’s just a myth. Maybe the person you are meeting doesn’t like your clothes, maybe she or he doesn’t care that much or maybe they are difficult to be impressed.
But try to remember that there is no second chance to meet someone for the first time. So if you want to feel sexy/comfortable/sassy, just do it your way.
4. You are not your thoughts
On a first date it is usual to feel excitement and nervousness. If you don’t, you are a lucky person but if you go through these feelings of insecurity you are completely normal.
The good thing is that most of the time people aren’t as hard on us as we are with ourselves. We are usually our worst enemy because of the things that we tend to say to ourselves.
Our internal dialogue looks like this “I should be funnier”, “I am not cute enough”, “I should have bought that shirt for the date”, “I look like a bag of rags, I’d rather call them and cancel”
We all have had these kind of thoughts. Breath in and breath out. You need to keep in your mind that this person accepted to go on a date with you. Full stop.
5. Choosing the right place
This should be agreed by both parties. Somewhere between homes so it is equal for both, as a general ‘rule’. But maybe you don’t want a standard date.
A good piece of advice is meeting in a place that’s convenient to leave or to do something where there is an option to finish earlier. That way if things are not like you expected you can get up and go. Perhaps you could meet for a coffee at a cute cafe or a small drink at an original pub.
But if you meet to have dinner and you feel uncomfortable and not brave enough to leave soon, at least you will need to finish your food. That part is up to you.
6. Breaking the ice
The first time you meet this person can feel unusual because you want everything to be perfect. But I need to say that there is no such thing. There is no formula to have the perfect date because you are the one who needs to find out what you would like.
The best ice breaker is actually breaking the physical boundary. If you are brave enough you can introduce yourself by kissing them on the cheek.
7. What to talk about
Having an interesting chat can turn the most boring date into the best date ever. One of the things we find most attractive is a person who can stimulate our mind and spark our soul.
There are lots of things that have been said about the topics that can and cannot be used on a first date. “Avoiding politics, sports, religion and basically any kind of controversial topic” is the main old fashion rule. But rules are made to be broken sometimes.
Everyone is different and generally it’s always risky but you can start asking the person about the basics. What they enjoy, what they like to do in their free time, where they live, which kind of job are they have… This shows genuine interest and it helps you to know who are you with.
Obviously there is a time to ask and a time to be asked, the last thing you want is to feel or make someone feel like it’s a job interview. Who knows, maybe you end up talking about the facial cream you use, your last and beautiful relationship, the biggest lie you have told to your boss, your favourite sexual game, how you celebrated your birthday last year, or how much you been struggling trying to fit in this society.
The main rule would be to listen in a non-judgemental way.
8.Don’t be afraid of the silence, let it do it’s work
The vast majority of us think that being in silence is a sign of boredom, nothing in common with the person in front of you, or even worse, if there is empty space in a date it means it is not going well.
But when no one talks the opportunity of something else emerges. Maybe you notice their eyes how they look at you, the shape of their body, how good they smell, how they are sitting… basically you allow other things to happen and even if you feel uncomfortable it doesn’t mean it is something negative, there are actually more ways of communicating than just using your speech and they can be quite powerful.
9. Who pays?
Usually when you get to have a first date, unless you choose something different (doing some sports, going for a walk, visiting some museum), you usually end up in a place where you either drink or eat something.
Many people feel uncomfortable when it comes the time of paying. The best advice that we can give you it’s to split the bill or make rounds. If you or your date wants to invite the other to somewhere ‘expensive’ that’s completely fine as long as it is something you want to do/can do and not because you are ‘supposed to’.
10. The ‘goodbye’ moment
You need to take two things in account. What do you want and what does the person with you want at that moment. If the signs are not clear, it is always very useful to ask straight away whatever you need to know and to let the other person know how you are feeling and what you desire.
Communication is the only way to truly get the best out of a situation, if you don’t say it, they might not see it and you may both miss it.
