Author: Isabell Marin

Top 10 Tips for First Date Success!

Posted on By Isabell Marin

1. Your purpose

Before you meet that person you need to be honest with yourself. Why do you want to date them? What is the purpose of meeting someone new? This will help you to have your goals clear enough so you can later compare if that person is on the same page, on the same book in a different library.

You are more than free to change your mind once you meet the person so it’s not about setting up your mind in a way that you can’t change, it’s about knowing yourself and what is your drive for dating.

2. Have as much fun as possible

Dating is supposed to be fun. Whatever your reason for dating, the final goal is to have a great time. No one dates expecting to have a hard time so, even if it’s obvious, remember that it’s not a serious thing.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself as it won’t help you at all. If you have the fear of not being liked or accepted, don’t worry, it’s fine, everyone struggles with that and if that’s the case it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong, it just means the person in front of you is looking for something different. Remember there are plenty of people on this planet and everyone is free to give their opinion but they are not necessarily right.

3. The outfit 

Feel free to wear whatever you like. Who is going on a date? You or your neighbour? You rather feel comfortable being who you are. Dressing to impress it’s just a myth. Maybe the person you are meeting doesn’t like your clothes, maybe she or he doesn’t care that much or maybe they are difficult to be impressed.

But try to remember that there is no second chance to meet someone for the first time. So if you want to feel sexy/comfortable/sassy, just do it your way.

4. You are not your thoughts

On a first date it is usual to feel excitement and nervousness. If you don’t, you are a lucky person but if you go through these feelings of insecurity you are completely normal.

The good thing is that most of the time people aren’t as hard on us as we are with ourselves. We are usually our worst enemy because of the things that we tend to say to ourselves.

Our internal dialogue looks like this “I should be funnier”, “I am not cute enough”, “I should have bought that shirt for the date”, “I look like a bag of rags, I’d rather call them and cancel”

We all have had these kind of thoughts. Breath in and breath out. You need to keep in your mind that this person accepted to go on a date with you. Full stop.

5. Choosing the right place

This should be agreed by both parties. Somewhere between homes so it is equal for both, as a general ‘rule’. But maybe you don’t want a standard date.

A good piece of advice is meeting in a place that’s convenient to leave or to do something where there is an option to finish earlier. That way if things are not like you expected you can get up and go. Perhaps you could meet for a coffee at a cute cafe or a small drink at an original pub.

But if you meet to have dinner and you feel uncomfortable and not brave enough to leave soon, at least you will need to finish your food. That part is up to you.

6. Breaking the ice

The first time you meet this person can feel unusual because you want everything to be perfect. But I need to say that there is no such thing. There is no formula to have the perfect date because you are the one who needs to find out what you would like.

The best ice breaker is actually breaking the physical boundary. If you are brave enough you can introduce yourself by kissing them on the cheek.

7. What to talk about

Having an interesting chat can turn the most boring date into the best date ever. One of the things we find most attractive is a person who can stimulate our mind and spark our soul.

There are lots of things that have been said about the topics that can and cannot be used on a first date. “Avoiding politics, sports, religion and basically any kind of controversial topic” is the main old fashion rule.  But rules are made to be broken sometimes.

Everyone is different and generally it’s always risky but you can start asking the person about the basics. What they enjoy, what they like to do in their free time, where they live, which kind of job are they have…  This shows genuine interest and it helps you to know who are you with.

Obviously there is a time to ask and a time to be asked, the last thing you want is to feel or make someone feel like it’s a job interview. Who knows, maybe you end up talking about the facial cream you use, your last and beautiful relationship, the biggest lie you have told to your boss, your favourite sexual game, how you celebrated your birthday last year, or how much you been struggling trying to fit in this society.

The main rule would be to listen in a non-judgemental way.

8.Don’t be afraid of the silence, let it do it’s work

The vast majority of us think that being in silence is a sign of boredom, nothing in common with the person in front of you, or even worse, if there is empty space in a date it means it is not going well.

But when no one talks the opportunity of something else emerges. Maybe you notice their eyes how they look at you, the shape of their body, how good they smell, how they are sitting… basically you allow other things to happen and even if you feel uncomfortable it doesn’t mean it is something negative, there are actually more ways of communicating than just using your speech and they can be quite powerful.

9. Who pays?

Usually when you get to have a first date, unless you choose something different (doing some sports, going for a walk, visiting some museum), you usually end up in a place where you either drink or eat something.

Many people feel uncomfortable when it comes the time of paying. The best advice that we can give you it’s to split the bill or make rounds. If you or your date wants to invite the other to somewhere ‘expensive’ that’s completely fine as long as it is something you want to do/can do and not because you are ‘supposed to’.

10. The ‘goodbye’ moment

You need to take two things in account. What do you want and what does the person with you want at that moment. If the signs are not clear, it is always very useful to ask straight away whatever you need to know and to let the other person know how you are feeling and what you desire.

Communication is the only way to truly get the best out of a situation, if you don’t say it, they might not see it and you may both miss it.

Part Two: Finding yourself

Posted on By Isabell Marin

You and being able to know yourself is one of the most important relationships you are gonna take care of in your life. Some people call it self-esteem. It is that important that it will define the way you relate with others, the way you will look for a partner and the people you feel attracted to.

To know who you are and what you need, you need to take care of yourself. To be able to experience a truly good relationship with yourself, don’t just care about your body by dieting and doing exercise, the mind also needs some care to keep it healthy.
But, how do you know that you are going to develop a positive and real relationship with yourself? This will take you your whole life because, like all successful relationships, you always need to be working on it.

So here you have five simple clues to improve your self esteem;

  1. Having a notebook to write down three things every day for which that day has being worthwhile. They can be anything and they don’t have to be big issues, but those little things that make you feel better: a nice hot shower, a coffee in the morning, looking at a stranger in the train, talking with a friend, laughing at a funny tv scene, cooking dinner, enjoying a good book or just hearing the song you love on the radio.
  2. Talking to oneself kindly. As the language creates reality, we should not underestimate the power of our words. During the day unfortunate events will happen: dropping the food we were about to eat, forgetting the house keys or breaking something we love. 
The immediate reaction would be blaming ourselves. “I am a disaster! ” I get it all wrong “… All these thoughts are negative views about us that will trigger negative emotions causing discomfort, sadness and low self-steem perception. Changing our words is the key to succeed: “Well I’ve had this problem, but it is not disastrous“, “It can happen to anyone,” “It’s normal to make a mistake” … If the language becomes positive, the upcoming emotions will be positive as well.
  3. Living in the present. The past and the future are two states that can only be remembered or anticipated. But what truly exists is the present. And it is there where we can exercise our power. It is difficult to be aware of what is happening at any time. The best way to do it is by paying attention to ourselves and being aware of what we do and what we feel each moment.
  4. Writing 10 good things about yourself as a checklist and keep it to read them often. It may cost a little at the beginning, but 10 is a minimum that anyone should be able to find out.
  5. A ‘positive sentence closet’. 
Just as you have a closet full of clothes to wear as desired, each person should have a closet full of phrases or positive words towards oneself to use when appropriate because these messages of encouragement will truly comfort you if they are real and you believe them. It is about creating a personal mantra. The best way to create a mantra is to think about which kind of sentences would cheer you up. “I am a person who deserves to succeed”, “My attitude is positive,” “I feel great,” “I am happy”, “I am strong” … But we can also borrow sentences from movies, books and advertisements.

The road to building successful connections is basically yourself.

Part One: How to find your soulmate

Posted on By Isabell Marin

Finding your one–and–only

The most common way of existing in the society we live in is having a partner, or at least that is what we have been led to believe.

Surely you will remember more than one family member asking when are you going to introduce them to your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is something that people expect from you. We can feel forced by peer pressure to seek out a partner in life , making us feel down for not having one.

This idea has been introduced through films and stories, through the media, literature and our education, where a whole bunch of ideas are spread and believed. The idea of that perfect ‘partner in crime’, the importance of romance and love, the existence of princes and princesses and the significant fact that it is necessary to suffer for love.

As a result there is a myth that takes shape in our minds: “You need a partner to be happy.”

But this is a very personal election, since many people have other priorities in life than having a partner, which is very respectable. For these people, having a partner can even clash with the lifestyle they want to live, so they decide not to have it.

Having a partner is a choice. It is not something required or compulsory to fulfil your life. Actually, the only person you need to have a fulfilling life is yourself.

You can live perfectly without a partner. Your value as human being does not depend on having a one. It is just other part of the equation of life.

So there is nothing wrong with having a parter (or more), the advice would be;

“Be free enough to think outside the box, explore and don’t feel guilty if something different appeals to you because you have the right to be free”

To find like minded individuals or try something new visit V Exuberant Experiences now and begin your journey through the world of #NewWaveDating

Labelling

Posted on By Isabell Marin

Do you like men or women? Do you usually date both? Maybe you are attracted to transgender or intersex? Maybe you feel like exploring your curiosity? Or perhaps you don’t feel an attraction for anyone at all.

Your choices when you start dating someone are closely related to who and what you feel attracted to, in other words your sexual orientation is going to make the decision for you. If you thought you were free to choose, nothing could be further from reality.

Let’s start from the beginning;

Sexual orientation is the sexual, emotional and loving drive that you feel for a person, it shows who you are attracted to. There are many options regarding your sexual orientation, or at least many labels have been created to describe who we’re attracted to.

People that like same sex usually call themselves gay, lesbian or homosexual, people that feel attracted only to the opposite sex are known as straight or heterosexual. If you are not sure about which gender you’re attracted to your label is ‘curious’. Pansexual is the word that is used to define people who feel attraction for many different genders, it can be men, women, transsexual, intersexual. There is also the possibility of no sexual attraction to anyone so asexual is the word that is usually used.

We have lots of labels and we love to create new ones. But do we need to do that? Is it such an important thing to know the sexual orientation of everyone? Labels are cultural constructs that have been created to “help” us understand some situations and to basically classify people.

They can be good if you personally need them, but if labelling is going to make you feel apart, discriminated, judged or uncomfortable then you should consider that labelling is not for you.

The only true thing about sexual orientation is that people don’t choose what they like, they usually find out which sex are they are attracted to. It is like the colour of your eyes or your hair. Both are natural and both have been with you since you were born.

This doesn’t mean that you must experience only the people that you are supposed to feel attracted to because of your sexual orientation. The same way you can dye your hair or wear contact lenses you can explore with whoever you like even if they are “not supposed to attract you”. In fact many people explore with different genders and these actions don’t define their sexual orientation.

The only one that tells you who you are is yourself. You have the right to define yourself, you don’t need a label to define you because you are more than just a label, you are unique.

Your personal choice

Posted on By Isabell Marin

“I really want to meet someone that blows my mind, I need to feel stimulated by the person I am meeting. That’s the way I feel connections with people. I am not sure what I am looking for, I reckon I  will just go with the flow and see how I feel after a while…”

“I want someone to have fun with… just sex to be honest. I need to like the person and feel attracted to them but I am not yet into relationships.”

“I have a partner and we have had an open relationship since we’ve been together. This agreement works for both of us. We share our life living in the same place and having the same personal goals but we like to meet more people to have special connections with.”

“I want to marry someone and have kids with the love of my life. I truly believe in love stories. I keep thinking that I can find someone and we would be together forever.”

Have you ever thought why you want to date? What are the reasons that motivate you to go on a blind date, use an online app or go out on a Saturday night to a club where you hope you can find people you like?

Whatever your reason is you have the right to do it. You can have the relationship that you are looking for.

There are as many different kinds of relationships as there are people are living on this planet. You don’t need to have the relationship that you don’t fancy, or the one that your friends have or the one that your family wants you to have.

You deserve to have what you want. You can define your own rules regarding what you love and what motivates you to be with someone. We usually have our own ideas of how we want to form our connections.

There are so many types of “agreements”. You just need to find someone on the same page or someone that accepts your agreement.

Living your life vs Tiptoeing through life

Posted on By Isabell Marin

When you go to the local store to buy some groceries, while you commute every day heading your job, while you eat your dinner at home after a long day, while you are chilling with your friends in the pub during the weekend, when you are waiting at the bus stop, even when you are going for a nice walk down the street.

Our smartphones are not just phones anymore. We use them to match people, we use them to connect ourselves with a potential mate or someone who we feel the chemistry with. There are countless of applications that can help us to meet people. We all know them and we know how they work.

Hundreds of profile pics, brief descriptions, distance and age are some of the criteria that we use to decide if we fancy the person or not. It seems simple, you just need to like the picture to let that person know that you are interested. But have you ever thought about the amount of time that you waste trying to match someone?

The more you disconnect from real life and the present, the more you will start feeling apart or begin thinking that you need your phone to connect. Thats a fact. Those apps are here to help you but not to isolate you.

Can you remember the smell of the air when you went to the grocery shop? Can you remember the taste of the meal you had while swiping right? Could you say that the pub was noisy while being with your friends? And, how was the weather when you went for a walk and looked at your phone instead of fully living that moment? If you don’t have an answer you are not living the present as much as you could.

One of the main things that prevents you fully experiencing the life you are living is overusing your phone. Of course there are things that need to be done and checked with a device but there are other things that can be done by yourself. The issue is that nowadays we believe that we need the help of an online app to make sure that we will meet a special person.

Think about the amount of time you spend trying to find someone to finally meet and then think about how much time you spend with that person on the first date. If it is worthy just keep going, if not you might consider start living your life without using a screen.

Sign-up for #NewWaveDating visit VEE Homepage for more information.

Don’t join us.

Posted on By Isabell Marin

Don’t join us if you are like them.
We all know how they interact nowadays.
Social media is the new reality.
Who cares if you are a great talker, a trustful person, a funny guy or a genuine human being?
You are no one if you don’t interact through your black mirror.
So don’t join us.

Keep looking at your screen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s real or not because it looks beautiful.
Stop talking to people on your way home, just keep looking at your screen because you are missing so much if you stop doing it.
Go out but don’t forget to check your phone at least every ten minutes.
You might miss the last picture of someone’s food, someone’s training or someone’s holidays.
Check your online dating app just in case someone new has joined.
Enjoy your lunch but not too much because someone else’s lunch looks so much better in that beautiful picture.
Check again because the person you just crossed paths with could be on that app and you can match them to start a conversation.
Don’t talk directly to him or her because it might feel real.

Don’t join us if you don’t want to establish real connections.
Don’t join us if you are not looking for real people.
Don’t join us if you are not looking for genuine experiences.

VEE is about connecting people, about real experiences, about people who go out of their comfort zone by living in the present.
You need to be brave enough to live this life fully.
We don’t do screens, we do people.

Go real, go VEE! Visit Vee International for a #NewWaveDating experience.